I STILL STAND

I sit here dazzled by the epitomies of life, anchoring onto the only light of hope that comes forth...
forgetting and getting deep out of the claws of strife but it keeps getting hard....its dark and am trying to flap my wings like a moth...relate
of what lies ahead i know not of, wide straight paths that lead to no particular direction, my heart..unruly disturbed by the conscientious facts of cascades that seem to hinder my constant struggle of steps focused on yonder....
Hit blow after blow of catastrophic setbacks that know not of mercy, seeking to tear down my will to fight, blurring my sight, holding my legs down...pinned dead on the floor...i cant seem to take flight
Yet i am expected to keep a fight,sink down...search myself for a little glimmer of strength, for a minute forget that i am a sinner with debt, raise my inner expectations with set exceptions that simmer my inner being with bits of strength each moment.....yet funny how they get swallowed whole by the rings of fire that consume burning up everything within, tearing down my terraces of a will to forge on....,
But yet the fortress that i lean on proves stronger, enhances my life with new moments, new beginnings, my ray of sunshine in my dark valley, in the dark alley...i walk not in fear of what the dark place holds for me, i stand tall in the hope of what my fortress protects me from...in the surety that it will keep me from being torn, in the certainty that with it very little goes wrong so i will stand firm among....my dark place because he my fortress has set the pace....so i just rest.

Heartbeats

A delicate heart, with every beat a surge of passion experienced…a tender love so pure, so magical…as if made in perfection not knowing darkness or any bad within,

 the pain once there appreciated…a preparation for the beauty now bestowing.

A Stillness so calm, so deep, the feeling brought on by his presence…causing an acceleration…an intensity so overwhelming…ecstasy!

An encounter entwining, a connection defining…defying every possible expectation…eliciting inexplicable reactions.

 So loved, accepting alterations defining its present state, not needing nor lacking just beating to a rhythm set by one alike on a path to fusion…where two become one.

 Impressions as such made to last forever, marveling at the possibilities of this union, excitable just by a glance, a touch intensifying… a beat made stronger every involving second…an eventuality of a place…the reality of a time…where your heart beats next to mine!

My Eternal High

If you ever need a pick me up...

kneel down, look up and He will lift you up to the sky...

feel so high like one of those drugs but no rehab, this addiction,

a  confirmation of a perfect connection; complete satisfaction, no repercussions,

this junkie's hooked, NO not extasy...

His love for me I see, unconditional...No buts, No wants, just coz...I am His and He is mine,

He forms my heart to be divine, transforms my mind, conforms my will with His in mind,

my soul reflected in His own, divine perfection I strive to own...

No retreat, I wont surrender to my old ways His way is the only way...

I wont stray, I'll stay forever in Him and Him in me,

this desire keeps getting higher, seeking Him with all my fire.

  


Why do you look furthe  r? know my father...you'll want no other.

My silent demise

 

A pain so deep so hurting it tears me down,

 pulling me apart threatening to subdue my conscious control leaving me weak and alone,

 distraught and withdrawn on a cold hard floor,

a dark and empty room the walls closing in, caving in on my very being,

 flirting with the possibility of my extinction, extinguishing my existence,

clawing at my skin, burning through my eyes, leaving me screaming,

creating a wound…raw and excruciating,

 nerves exposed to the elements: my face on the ground,

drowning in my own blood, consumed by my own flesh till I am no more,

 product of a lifeless soul suffocated before its maturation,

 high expectations left untended,

 don’t you see me? Should I scream louder? Pain further?

Remain down under till my subconscious takes over my conscious?

 Until the cold, dark numb frees my soul…

 I can’t see, I can’t feel, I can’t breathe…my silent demise.

AWAKE

Like a thunderstorm raging, angry, maniacal; from every direction descending…blow upon blow of what was previously a feeling so pure, now turned dirty and ugly.

SILENCE…and for that moment…on the outside looking in…a strange calm surrounding me to the very core of my being…

…my physical entity broken, bleeding, raw pain, my spirit having escaped looking upon, overpowered and unfeeling…

…stunned by the cruel animosity astonished by the extent of its brutality forced onto the extremity…accepting fatality…alive but absent submitting to the unknown allowing it to creep in…inhabiting the now battered and useless form…giving in to public humiliation…

…gross and indecent violation…lacking any form of sensation…awaiting predestined conclusion…my savior a stranger…your commotion as if a whisper and slowly returning to the shell it has made from where I departed…but still…silence…chilly, dead silence…

ABSURDITY

I marvel, I wonder…a puzzle, I ponder,

Like madness…demented,

Like heaven…elated,

Terrifying I loathe it …horrifying repugnance

Like coffee…stimulating,

Like morning dew…fleeting,

Ensnared in its deception, captured a prisoner,

Like the devil…a liar,

Like an angel…unstained,

Stupefied around it, confusion in its wake

Like dynamite…explosive,

Like a calm sea…tranquil,

Embraced by its warmth, rejected by its obsession,

Like a thief…sneaky,

Like a sunset…captivating,

Shaken in my boots, heart in my throat,

Like a starry sky…gleaming,

Like quicksand…sinking,

Such is love…a paradoxical illusion!

COMBUSTION

The beauty of this…
The nearness I miss…
The wanting of bliss..
That moment, that kiss…
The depth of your soul…
It makes me so whole…
It fills up my own…
And brings out my glow…
The warmth of your touch…
I want you so much…
To feel and to hold…
And never let go…
The smile on my face…
The loving embrace…
The intense gaze…
The world is our place…
The love in your heart…
The passion in mine…
When me and you combine…
COMBUSTION
 

Beloved Stranger

Mistakes tugging at my heart, not letting me free to love and feel love,
Just a vacuum…no room to breathe, no space to take…
…allowing a careless caress but never within only on the exterior,
exposing the tortured and damaged outer to the pretence of his care…
a disguise of his exploitation…
…of him, the beloved stranger.
Deep into my eyes
…a trance…he fed by a single gaze…
…an enchantment yet so deceitful it was
my soul he captured and sucked into his own
nay fulfilling only empty and cold…
he left me alone surrounded by dark…barren hope…
…of him, the beloved stranger.
Intolerable anguish to show…scars forever in their place unmoved,
crying and screaming but echoes so taunting,
a terrible love, a presence so daunting…
he found the within and looted and plundered and when he was done…
...just but a harsh memory lingered…
…of him, the beloved stranger

Story of my life...

All that’s feeling is pain…seething, incensed, furious

Seeping through every vein, sneaking into every thought,

The cause of my emotionless heart and inhibited personality,

Trepidation in my voice…apprehension in my touch

Broken, damaged and soulless…an empty shell shattered,

Every hit left a scar…not only on mama’s delicate skin…in our hearts too,

Every scream left a tormenting, anguishing memory…engraved in our minds,

Etched in our souls that you were never really there…

Such an intense pain…its atrociousness could never be captured even in tears…

They were never shed…not that I never cared for mama or what you did to us…

It was just too painful… too excruciating…I had to go numb…block it out lest it finish me…

Let it define me…I won’t

Let it consume me…never!

I am powerful beyond measure…an unstoppable force,

Capable of untold possibilities, destined only for excellence…

No not even you can stop that…I refuse

My heart still aches…but today I choose….

To let go of past indiscretions…to give pain a valediction…

Absolve all iniquities…find redemption.

DENIAL

What happens when it’s all said and done?

What next when there’s nowhere to run?

Will we hide under the guise of our amity?

Pure, platonic and without the unnecessary baggage that comes with ownership,

Will our hearts consent to the refusal of our minds to connect?

Will my eyes disguise the intensity that oozes from within?

It makes no sense that we ignore this raging inferno,

Before our eyes it burns with such power,

The flames kiss our hearts,

…just but a taste of the enormous promise it elicits,

And yet we defend our condition,

In our minds it feels right yet in our hearts, perplexity

That we so often disregard,

So what now?

Do we let the fire keep burning, fuelling its embers with our inevitable desires,

Controlling it and careful that we don’t get burnt,

Do we let it burn wild and free enjoying its passionate heat,

The end uncertain…

Or we could stay in our comfort zone,

Pretend the fire doesn’t exist…

Wary of its end but still hopeful that for as long as it burns…

We’ll be ok.

What happens when it’s gone…?

Will we regret our minds decision; yearn for our hearts connection,

Envision what could have been…

And await this possibility?

…perhaps in another lifetime…